I feel like i'm not being gainfully occupied at work. Many may wish they have a job as easy as mine but it's just causing my mind to stray to places i dun wish for it to. Once again, i'm hoping i'm feeling lousy bcos of PMS. And hopefully it'll pass real quick.
It suddenly makes me feel like studying all over again bcos being constantly surrounded by frens & being kept busy may actually make me feel better.
After The Incident, it has been an ongoing whirlwind inside my head & i'm constantly on tenterhooks. It's wearing me out & everyone is getting worried bcos it's showing that obviously.
Why have i been reduced to this..
Don't make me promises baby you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you now I want the best of you it's time to show and tell
Asphyxiated at at 4:01 PM
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
If a girl cries in front of you,
it means that she can't take it anymore.
If you take her hand,
she will stay with you for the rest of your life;
If you let her go,
she can't go back to being herself anymore.
A girl wont cry easily,
except in front of the person whom she loves the most,
she becomes weak.
A girl wont cry easily,
only when she loves you the most,
she puts down her ego.
Guys, if a girl cries bcos of you,
please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who will stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcos of you,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcos of your decision,
you ruin her life.
When she cries right in front of you,
when she cries bcos of you,
look into her eyes,
can u see & feel the pain & hurt she's feeling?
Think.
Which other girl have cried with pure sincerity,
infront of you,
and bcos of you?
She cries not bcos she is weak,
she cries not bcos she wants sympathy or pity,
she cries,
because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain, hurt & agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.
Guys,
think about it,
if a girl cries her heart out to you,
and all because of you,
its time to look back on what you have done,
only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it,
Cos one day,
it may be too late for regrets,
it may be too late to say "im sorry".
To my friends...Ponder this message seriously.
Dont do this to a girl,
you may regret for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life,
she's the only one that love YOU the most.
Guys..
If u hav a gal who cry 4 u..
Think wat you should do straight away..
Asphyxiated at at 5:45 PM
Anyways, yes its confirmed that my countdown started on Sunday. 10 weeks. Dammit. Knowing my folks, they would want to move out in probably half that time so that everything can be settled before its too late. How do i even start packing my sty of a room? I think i'll have to throw away 3/4 of my stuff & as a person who likes to hoard things, its gonna be quite a feat man. I'll try to pack up ASAP though so i can hopefully sell away the rest of my stuff. Anybody game for a garage sale? Trust me, there's gonna be ALOT of things for you to buy. Two storeys worth of goods. From furniture to books to clothes to stuff toys to everything else you can think of. Hopefully i'll gain some monetary wealth thru my material loss. Haha.
*Close frens - when everything is settled, just come & pick whatever you want k (just my stuff). I dun wanna take $ from frens & if it doesn't go to you, it'll just end up as someone else's & i obviously rather my frens have things they want then for a stranger to have it. I'll have another post on this matter in the upcoming weeks.
Asphyxiated at at 9:58 AM
Monday, February 26, 2007
Before that went Selegie to watch some cheena biang singing competition. It was boring as hell & bcos i thot i was driving, i laid off the beer & the place was non-smoking & damn stuffy. Urgh.
I want a good weekend, hopefully it includes some shopping. Heard the new season at Zara is pretty good. It's been so long since i last went shopping lah. Its about time.
Yesterday was the day when it's finalised whether we are still moving out or not but bcos i wasn't home the entire day, i shall find out later today. If we are moving out, then its the start of the 10 week countdown...
Asphyxiated at at 9:30 AM
Sunday, February 25, 2007
I have a sneaking suspicion. And its eating at me. One thing i will not take is infedelity. I hope its not that serious. But i haven't got any assurance from you. Ok maybe some. But there's another big part of it thats staring at me in the face.
I hope what i have been telling frens is not too one-sided. But i have been as truthful as i can be & everyone is getting a bad vibe.
I will see how it goes & then we'll have another one of our talks. Even if i give you the benefit of the doubt now, dun you dare stoop so slow as to make yourself seemingly available to any other girl. I have zero tolerance level when it comes to such matters & if your commitment towards me is on par as mine towards you, then i dun think that there will be any problems.
How deep is your love
I really need to learn
cause were living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be...
Asphyxiated at at 3:12 PM
Friday, February 23, 2007
Can you tell i'm glad the weekend is here? Half the day has passed. Can someone make it pass faster & then put the weekend to a crawl?
Last night was steamboat dinner with Jes & Rachel @ Xian De Lai along Liang Seah. Another Chinaman establishment, with chinaman servers & chinaman patrons to boot. How nice. The only thing un-chinaman is that its right smack in Bugis & they weren't serving dog/cat/rodent meat.
I never trust myself with anything raw which i have to cook myself i.e. steamboat, BBQ etc. It oways ends up with me having a tummyache. This time was no exception. Bah!
My new friend in the office is my WLNY account. Its my only form of instant messaging (which i have access to) & the guys that have been messaging me there have been pretty interesting (not necessarily in a good way).
I have to digress. Since its casual Friday (says me. Everyone else is in their suits), i decided to go mini & it was a fucking bad idea cos firstly, i can't sit with my legs propped up on the chair & secondly, my legs are so cold & there's nothing i can do about it. Even my lunch break wasn't enuff time to defrost them. I think wearing capris is a much better idea.
Tml is ren re. People Day aka everyone's birthday. Usually Grandma cooks up a feast on this important day. Usually it includes her damn good porridge which i wouldn't miss for anything. But somehow, sometimes i forget there's such an occasion, which ends up with me being absent, which leads to me being screwed by the mummy monster. I think i better key it in my HP calender cos even though i may remember it now, Saturdays usually causes me to forget all family engagements. Tml is oso the day when we will have yet another round of lo hei, which im not a big fan of. Just give me the golden pillows & raw fish please. Dun contaminate & camo those lovelies with over-coloured veggies or whatever the rest of the stuff is.
This is all so random. But so is all my other entries. 1 more week to pay day. Come to mummy~
Asphyxiated at at 2:08 PM
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I hate to say this but this time round, the zodiac predictions are making me very cautious. It's too bad a year for me to fuck things up. I was so pissed i actually typed out a letter to the boss but in the end i decided against sending it bcos the last thing i want is for it to have an adverse effect on me. Michelle has offered me a job in Far East Organisation which pays well & its a fantastic job opportunity which will benefit me greatly in future prospects but i'm afraid to make changes at this point of time. *sigh*
Anyway, this CNY was boring as usual. And like all holidays, it was far too short. So what if today is oready Thursday? I can feel next Monday approaching oready. And next week is gonna be a long week balls.
This year was alot less visiting & so my ang pow collection is nothing much to talk about... It also din help that the little bit of $ i took out as gambling capital has gone down the drain in record time. Thank goodness i'm not into gambling & i had no problem stopping after awhile.
Caught Epic Movie over the long holiday. I never had high expectations from movie spoofs so i guess i would say the show was quite funny. Was having late night supper craving for porridge after the movie & i wanted to eat in comfort so we drove to Orchard Hotel only to find out that they had temporarily stopped their porridge supper buffet so we ended up at Quality Hotel. Haha. It looks so dodgy but the porridge buffet was pretty good i have to say. Quite a good spread for $6.80 nett only! Now i have a new supper place to go to!
Oh, and for those of you who can't stand rude chinaman waiters, skip the steamboat place near Icon opposite Bugis junction. Was there over the holidays with Jane & Tiger and the waiters were so fucking behaving like 3rd world baboons. The food was not bad i would have to say but bad service is enuff to turn me off from the best food. After that we went to Vivo & wanted to watch a movie but it was all sold out so we ended up having ice cream @ Swensens before heading to Gene's den. There was no way i was staying there so me & Jane left the guys there to squander their $ away & we headed to my place to watch DVDs, which resulted in me falling asleep until the guys called after they were done.
I've been craving so much for beer its madness. Luckily i managed to get my fair share of beer @ S'goon Gardens on the 2nd day of CNY. Tiger never tasted so good. Even now in the office i'm dreaming of having some. Just a magnum of hoegaarden will do please. I think i'm going crazy. But not as crazy as Kailing who went to Yangtze for a movie. WTF. It has actually crossed my mind to do that before but after Kailing's first hand account, i say no thanks. There was dried cum on the seats for fuck sake. Check out Kailing's pictures in her blog to understand for yourself. Eewww.
Okok. Back to work oready.
Asphyxiated at at 9:12 AM
Sunday, February 18, 2007
May everyone have a prosperous year ahead.
I'm glad i met my girls just now or i would have died from boredom. From Bugis to meet Kailing to Kallang to meet Jane, Tiger & da Chix and finally we settled at Simpang Bedok. I think we were OD-ing on ghost stories until we realised we all had to drive home seperately. Haha.
Call it paranoia or instinct or whatever. There are somethings bugging me but i shall let it rest for now. But i am not stupid thats for sure.
Asphyxiated at at 2:32 AM
Friday, February 16, 2007
Picked Mandy up from the MRT & headed to Sentosa to fetch Kailing. Went to CAN Cafe after that & by the time i got home, washed my hair & waited for it to dry, it was so late oready. Fell asleep with my hair wet & ended up waking up late. When i woke up my hair was still wet lor. WTH.
Mandy got us VDay pressies! I got a Kama Sutra book & a really pretty trinket box. Thanks babe!
For those wondering how i spent my VDay, it was a picnic @ Sentosa. Enuff details for now. Haha.
Asphyxiated at at 10:20 AM
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
It's time to spread the lurve so i wanna say thanks to everyone who was around for me, one way or another, when i really needed it. It's people like you that keeps me sane. I love you guys!
Friday was a good testimony of how some friends really stuck by me thru tough times. I shall not go into detail where i went the entire Friday, because that was a really tiring day which i will never forget but hopefully the pain will ease in time to come.
Yesterday i was lured into Nine West because they were having a sale. I ended up spending $200 on a pair of heels that weren't on sale. But who cares. I like can oready. I foresee that i'm gonna be buying alot of shoes online cos they are dirt cheap & nice. Most importantly, its somewhere i can find plenty of min. 3" heels which i like. Finding nice heels in SG for a good price is a real pain because no matter how much it costs, i always manage to wear them out. Go check out www.gojane.com people! My only fear is that the size doesn't fit nicely. But once i get the right size, it's gonna be hard to stop buying!
Asphyxiated at at 11:37 AM
Friday, February 09, 2007
Asphyxiated at at 12:08 PM
Asphyxiated at at 10:54 AM
Asphyxiated at at 9:05 AM
Thursday, February 08, 2007
His name is Dan Dan & he lives in Bedok. Haha!
Asphyxiated at at 3:02 PM
Tonight is reunion dinner with my mum's side of the family. It's like 1 week early but what to do, my uncle can only make it tonight. You can catch the busy man on TV tonight.
I assume this was pre-recorded if not he wouldn't be able to eat with us later.
Da chix is going to pick me up after dinner to go look at doggies. Yay! At the same time i can go look at the owner who is some cutie & his WRX. Kill 3 birds with 1 stone. Haha. I shall not plan my time around tubs today bcos he is so undecided & he has his own program so i'll just relak & do what i want, if not it gets frustrating & he'll think i'm kicking up a big fuss.
Yesterday he dropped a bombshell on me. He says he is going overseas to study in about 3 years time. I know it seems a long way more. But i have very strong opinions when it comes to long distance relationships. By then, i will be 27 years old. OMG. I need security & stability. At that age, the last thing i need is a BF overseas. I dunno if i'm thinking too much into it, but i dun think i'll accept it. Told him i'm not keen with the arrangement & he didn't even have anything to say. This is something we have to talk about soon. I dun wanna waste my time on a relationship that is heading towards it's own end. It may seem selfish, or people may say love transcends all obstacles, but i have to be practical as well. I'm not getting young anymore. I hope he finds an alternative solution. Cos i may not stick around. Everything i do, i put him first. But this, i think it's asking too much. I'm not some teenage girl with lots of time on her side anymore. I dunno lah. I guess i'll really have to push him to talk about it this weekend..
Mandy: Hope you have a great trip! We'll meet up again soon for travel gossip when you come back yah. Take care of yourself! -hugz-
Danceal: I just managed to do a quick go-through of my email yesterday night & thanks for your mail! Din have time to reply you but i really appreciate your concern. Sometimes it just takes 1 person that can empathise with you to make you feel better.
Asphyxiated at at 10:58 AM
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Asphyxiated at at 2:37 PM
The office CB is going to bring the company down sooner or later. It's such an obvious problem when someone who has joined the company for just 2 months or less has oready stepped on so many toes. Except the bosses. The first person was our previous office administrator. They only had 3 days together to hand over everything & yet there was war. The previous office administrator was so frustrated she wished me good luck before she left. I miss her so much now. She was such a nice lady, taking such good care of me & everything was so smooth sailing thanks to her. Now this CB knows nothing but to chit chat with the guys & twirl her hair. Pui! I really look down on her man.
Along the way, she has made enemies with so many people, from the building security guards, to our drinks supplier, to the people whom she gets stationery from. And i know all these people mind you. And i know that they are nice people. How many building securities will greet you everyday, ask if you have eaten, ask how are you, tell you how to get to the MRT using the most sheltered route when it's raining etc.
And when your drinks supplier bring you foam cups instead of paper cups bcos you were not clear when ordering, do you scream at the delivery guy & then call the company & scream at them again? She's a total nut case. Just ask them to take the cups back & bring the right order the next time round lah.
There are so many other people she has pissed off along the way. Almost every other day you can hear her on the phone shouting like a mad woman. She is seriously mentally unbalanced.
In a fit of anger, the cleaner actually told me that the CB told her once that the boss is having an extra martital affair outside... How sum pat can someone get? She even told the cleaner that in her previous company, her ang moh boss would ask her out when he was having family problems & she din see anything wrong with it. WTF. She thinks she's some hot young thing & that makes me sick. Feel free to give my office a ring & if she picks up, you can hear first hand how "sweet" she tries to make herself sound.
Argh. She's nothing but trouble. I know she can't wait to get me out of the company, oways telling me that i'm young & that i'll have better prospects, & then saying that her sister in law can't find a job & wouldn't mind having a post like mine. Fuck off & dream on. I'm here to stay. She is not. Dress up like a hooker all you want, twirl your hair til it falls off, talk so sweetly it gives people chills, i dun care. You are way off my league. Try harder.
Remember all those times you show me your attitude or raise your voice at me, bcos i will not forget. Dun misplace stuff & say i did not pass them to you. We'll see who ends up facing the firing squad.
Asphyxiated at at 10:49 AM
Asphyxiated at at 10:07 AM
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Please take care of yourself & stop being such a workaholic. You know for yourself how bad the floods in Jakarta are so just take afew days off work & let the rain subside k. At least you are living in hotel now. I can't imagine the situation there with no electricity & clean water. Take care boy!
Asphyxiated at at 4:40 PM
Met Mandy & Kailing yesterday for dinner & to gai gai & i got tub's Vday present. Kiasu right. But that's just me. I hate doing things last minute & i'll panic if i can't find what i wanna buy. Anyway, i have to admit it's quite a splurge & the girls think i spoil him too much so i hope he likes it & appreciates it! Dinner @ Cineleisure Cartel. I dunno why i ordered a main when i couldn't even finish half of it. Bumped into Ling & Ann after dat. Slacked wif them for awhile & cabbed home & called it a day!
I dunno why u r so pissed. I've tried being discreet, i've even tried hiding my disappointment but it all doesn't work so i guess i have to be outright. But when i'm outright, u get angry & think that i'm finding fault or putting you down. But go think about it yourself k. I'll say it once again. I dun need anything expensive. I just want something to show u put effort into it. Dun ask me to go shopping & u'll pay for wat i want. Bcos i can buy my own stuff. I want something from the heart. Why is it so hard.......
"I know that valentine's day means something to you that's why i'm doing it. and u know me enough to know that it doesn't mean anything to me"
What do you do when ur BF tells u something like dat? You know how they say everyday should b like Valentine's Day? Now i know why there is such a day. Bcos not everyone is as sweet & gives surprises to their other halves on normal days. That's why there has to be a day where people are allocated to be extra sweet. But for me, it's the exact opposite. Occasions are so painful now. Occasions are one thing that never failed to brighten my day but now... I will not take this long term. I will give you time but if its gonna be like dat everytime.. I really dunno. Bcos it shows how little i mean to u & girls need to feel loved & pampered after all.
Asphyxiated at at 10:46 AM
Monday, February 05, 2007
Talking about babies, i haven't gone for dinner at my granny's for just a couple of weeks & how Ethan has grown! He's like a crawling energizer bunny now. With an attitude to boot. Like father like son, i swear.
I wanna go shopping! Anyone? I so wanna get myself a pair of Milano Blahnik's. But 1 pair of those gorgeous shoes costs me more than a month's worth of salary. Show me the monies!
Asphyxiated at at 2:13 PM
Friday, February 02, 2007
The Airhead thinks all the men love her so she likes to call them by name. Except she can't diffentiate which is their first name & which is their last name. It's either Hamish or Mr Christie you dumb bitch. She called the poor guy Christie & the things about ang mohs is that they dun gif face. You could hear him shouting "MY NAME IS HAMISH!!". Aha. Paiseh right. Next time just stay at your own desk n use your own phone. Dun come to my desk & embarrass yourself.
Asphyxiated at at 11:11 AM
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Airhead: I'm going for an early luch bcos i need to buy some stamps.
Me: K.
Airhead: (Seeing there are some letters for mailing on my desk) Will i pass any post box on the way? Then i help you post letters.
Me: Where you going to buy stamps?
Airhead: Oh.
Did she seriously for a moment forget that not only can she buy stamps at the post office, she can also mail letters there? OMG.
Asphyxiated at at 11:46 AM
Valentine's Day is coming up real soon. I have oways been a big fan of occasions. It oways makes a good reason to buy something nice for loved ones, and in turn receive something nice from them. But recently, its losing its novelty. When it seems like a chore for the other party, it makes me can't be bothered as well. And it makes me sad. Cos i'm not like that. I never thought such things could rub off on me. But it's beginning to. In such a short period of time, so many dismal occasions. It's hard to beat. I dun think i'm being difficult, neither do i think i'm asking too much. Here's a guide:
1. I dun expect anything expensive, even though it'll be nice. But when they say it's the thought that counts, its true.
2. Speaking about it's the thought that counts, it follows up with an action that shows you put your heart into it. Again, it doesn't have to be costly, but whatever you come up with really shows how much effort you put into it.
3. Saying "If i can't get you the best, i'd rather not get you anything" is unacceptable. Period.
4. Occasions have a date for a reason. So no belated celebrations please. Unless something seriously big crops up.
5. I also dun believe in combining the whole year's worth of presents into one i.e. "I'll give you the LV/Gucci/Balenciaga/whatever bag you wanted for Xmas but i wun get you anything for the rest of the year". No thanks. It has lost its meaning. I'll get the bag myself.
6. I'm someone who takes what is told to me seriously seriously. So if you noe you screwed up, and you promise me it wun happen again & it'll be better the next time round, do it. Dun make me lose my trust in you. Dissappointment is hard to beat.
*Disclaimer
I am in no way implying that the above are things my Valentine does to me. It's just a guideline, hopefully for better tings to come.
My paycheque for last month is sitting in my bank account as of now. I hope it stays there. Not only did i not save a single cent last moth, i spent more than what i took home as pay. Thats scary. I shall try to be disciplined this month but its gonna be hard. Bcos i feel the need to pamper myself a little & indulge. I wanna go on a holiday, i wanna get myself something pretty. I wanna stop overspending on food & petrol. I dun think it's worth it. To each it's own i guess.
*Sigh* I feel bad. I'm in no state of mind to work today. I just wanna hang out wif my girl pals or go home & hibernate. I think i just need a shot of Prozac.
Darls, i feel we are drifting apart somehow. This is not a finger pointing session. So dun get defensive bcos i know you're just gonna turn the tables on me. I dun even noe if you're gonna read this but i just need to let some of it go you know. It's not good to let it eat me from the insides. I noe we spend quite alot of time together but it's not much quality dun you think. For me, i oways meet you with the hope of spending some quality time with you but somehow it doesn't turn out that way. I dunno ijit bcos you unconciously meet me for the sake of it?
You have oso been snapping at me for the tiniest of things recently. Wassup with that? When i tell you, you turn it around and say that i snapped at you first or the few times when i could quote word for word what we said to prove it, you just brush it off. It gets frustrating. I wanna noe whats on your mind. There are so many things to say but i just dunno what. Some are just unsuitable for the public's eyes.
I need to know your level of commitment. I know you are committed to me. But to what level? You may say totally. But you gotta look deeper into yourself. Remember the conversation we had at my house before the Xmas celebration? It hit you what i said din it. Its just things you never thought about. Not in that way at least. I dunno ijit bcos u r still young. But i dun tink so. You are younger than me. But not too young to think in depth into certain things. You gotta get rid of your "That's the way i am, take it or leave it attitude". That's no way to make things work. That's not compromising. Dun push everything to the way you were brought up. Thats escaping. That's not being a man. You are your own man. You have your own mind. Use it.
-Haix- I dunno lah. I think i just need a little more of the old you. The cheerful, caring & affectionate old you. Has your work reduced you to this? If you are bitter about anything at work, i'm here to listen, but dun let that affect us k. Remember that sweet words may pacify me but empty promises won't. I love you nevertheless. The worst thing is i'm not sure if i feel any better after typing all these. WTH. Maybe its just me. Can i just take the day off?
Asphyxiated at at 10:13 AM
