Left work at 330pm yesterday bcos I wasn’t feeling too well. I can’t even remember what I did when I got home. I know I had no strength to pack my room, but I didn’t sleep either. I think I was just lying in bed using the com & watching TV. Went to the doc at 930pm & the waiting time was at least 1.5hrs. WTH. So I went to another clinic & there wasn’t a single soul. Looks like it’s more serious than flu & fever. Damn..
Later in the nite, Chix & Jane came to pick me up. I know, I know, sick still go out at nite instead of resting early rite? But to be fair, I didn’t have any food in my tummy so I couldn’t take my medication. Oso, I needed to dry my hair so gg out was a good choice. Haha. Anyway, we didn’t go out too late either. Went to the HK Café at East Coast Park & I had macaroni soup. Went home after that and I slept at 1am, which is early by my standards.
When I woke up this morning, it was 810am. OMG. Asked mum to send me to work & she was so unwilling cos she’s so bad with directions but she did anyways. The stupid bitch came in at 920am & told me to go for early lunch today cos she’s taking half day off today & blah blah blah. Whatever lah. Boss complained that yesterday that after I left, he had a call but nobody answered it. Well I’m not surprised. The stupid bitch goes for half hour toilet breaks & is everywhere except her own desk.
Oh. I found my sunnies! It’s been in the car all along. Just when 1 thing made me happy, another thing has to cock-up. My HP is acting up lah. Gotta send it for repairs when I get back from BKK.
Anyhoos, I’m still not feeling that well but I’ll have to force myself to get thru this 2 days at work before the trip. I’m having a major headache & I’m so stoned.. Can time please pass just a little faster?
Asphyxiated at at 11:34 AM
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, 8 jugs of beer later, I watched 2 of my drinking heroes fall. I still find it incomprehensible. They are people who can down 8 jugs of beer each & still walk straight so what happened that day was truly beyond me. By the time tubs & I sent them home and crawled into bed, it was 6am. 2 hours later, we were up & tubs went to class.
Saturday was off for dinner with Dan & Sharon and we went Punggol Park after that. I have no idea where our dinner went cos we ordered fries, skinful chicken, cheese sausage & spicy chicken wings. Yummers.
Bcos I was oready starting to feel unwell, I slept once we got home & by the time I woke up, it was close to 6pm on Sunday oready. OMG. There goes my weekend. We went to Granny’s house for dinner cos Aunty Cat was flying off. I thot we would send her to the airport like we oways do but not this time.
Dad wore his t-shirt that says
“MY
PEN IS
BIG”
again. And it’s no surprise who got him the shirt – Mel’s mum of course. Only she will buy such things and only my dad will wear such things.
Anyway, I can’t find my sunnies and I’m extremely upset..
I’m not in the best of moods so please do not piss me off today.
Welcome back Kailing! Can’t wait to see you.
Oh. And it disgusts me when the stupid bitch burps while talking to me. What's wrong with that woman? Do burps get harder to control as people get older? And it sounded so gross i wanted to stuff a toilet bowl scrub down her throat. Urgh.
--------------------------------------
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a Small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period," said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that," she said,
"but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
Asphyxiated at at 11:41 AM
Friday, July 27, 2007
Was on the fone wif Ling yesterday & it seems like we’ll have a meet up next week when Kailing returns from her trip. And after the trip, the last thing we’ll have to worry about is not having time to meet up with each other cos of all the upcoming birthdays. I love birthdays. And it gives my bitches another reason to cam-whore like crazy.
I can’t finish my evil ciggies. It’s madness. It gives me the biggest headache of my life & it feels like there’s weed hidden somehwere in there. Haha. Looks like I’m still paying thru my nose for my Marlboros cos I wun smoke my evil ciggies at work. Being stoned is not a very pretty picture eh.
Tubs saw the skirts I bought. As expected, he went on & on about why I had to shop before the BKK trip. - Bcos its on sale + I like it + I may not find anything I like in BKK.. That’s why.. And when he heard I bought 2, he din even wanna listen anymore. Hahahaha. But he likes them & thinks they’re quite nice, so the next step is to actually get down to wearing them & prove to him that they’re a worthwhile purchase. LOLx.
Did anyone read about Oscar the cat? He predicts when nursing home patients are going to die by curling up next to them during their final hours. But actually what struck me more was how beautiful he looks. Haha.
Anyway, enjoy the weekend everyone!
Asphyxiated at at 5:00 PM
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
I all but froze to death today. I need someone to thaw me.. Haha.
Aunty Corina made oxtail stew and it was me & Mel’s lunch for yesterday *BURP* It was super shiok can. We decided that we were sick of sandwiches and eating outside food is too oily so we started coming up with things we can bring for our lunch next time and it’s gonna save us a lot of $$ too!
Anyway yesterday after work, met up with Chixy to go down Parkway for dinner & we saw the gay fellow again. He was sitting opposite us & he would rather lean on an old man than come in contact with a young girl sitting beside him. We met Jane at Parkway & we had LJS. I miss having LJS at Parkway! I remember how we oways went there back in sec school days & then they closed it down. Now it’s back even though it just occupies a tiny space.
We went shopping after that and I bought a Clinique travel size facial wash & I bought 2 skirts from Mango. That’s horrible.. I couldn’t decide which one I liked better & Chixy liked the one with prints & Janey preferred the white one and so I ended up buying both. Tubs is gonna kill me.
Me & Chixy were talking about Chatuchak being flooded & turning into a river market. Haha. We are so bored & we can’t wait for work to end!!!
I dunno why but Santa Monica Pier never fails to captivate me. It’s not entirely in a good sense though. It gives me a weird and somewhat uncomfortable feeling, but I cannot stop picturing it in my head. It gives me a disquieting calm but I simply love how it looks. All my life I’ve come across pictures of Santa Monica Pier, and it’s even featured in many shows, but I think it was the movie ‘The 5 people you meet in Heaven’ that triggered the somewhat peculiar feeling in me. I read the book before I watched the show, and the setting of the show took place at Santa Monica Pier. It’s so hard to describe the emotions I have towards that place that it’s kinda eerie… I guess I see the place as having a beautiful & peaceful outlook but with a lot of evil & even ghostly history & goings-on. Haha. Feel free to ignore my over-active imagination.
Aunty Corina made oxtail stew and it was me & Mel’s lunch for yesterday *BURP* It was super shiok can. We decided that we were sick of sandwiches and eating outside food is too oily so we started coming up with things we can bring for our lunch next time and it’s gonna save us a lot of $$ too!
Anyway yesterday after work, met up with Chixy to go down Parkway for dinner & we saw the gay fellow again. He was sitting opposite us & he would rather lean on an old man than come in contact with a young girl sitting beside him. We met Jane at Parkway & we had LJS. I miss having LJS at Parkway! I remember how we oways went there back in sec school days & then they closed it down. Now it’s back even though it just occupies a tiny space.
We went shopping after that and I bought a Clinique travel size facial wash & I bought 2 skirts from Mango. That’s horrible.. I couldn’t decide which one I liked better & Chixy liked the one with prints & Janey preferred the white one and so I ended up buying both. Tubs is gonna kill me.
Me & Chixy were talking about Chatuchak being flooded & turning into a river market. Haha. We are so bored & we can’t wait for work to end!!!
I dunno why but Santa Monica Pier never fails to captivate me. It’s not entirely in a good sense though. It gives me a weird and somewhat uncomfortable feeling, but I cannot stop picturing it in my head. It gives me a disquieting calm but I simply love how it looks. All my life I’ve come across pictures of Santa Monica Pier, and it’s even featured in many shows, but I think it was the movie ‘The 5 people you meet in Heaven’ that triggered the somewhat peculiar feeling in me. I read the book before I watched the show, and the setting of the show took place at Santa Monica Pier. It’s so hard to describe the emotions I have towards that place that it’s kinda eerie… I guess I see the place as having a beautiful & peaceful outlook but with a lot of evil & even ghostly history & goings-on. Haha. Feel free to ignore my over-active imagination.
-------------------------------------------
Six Classic Affairs
The 1st Affair:
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!"
The 2nd Affair:
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The 3rd Affair:
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
The 4th Affair:
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner.
" She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."
The 5th Affair:
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 6th Affair:
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."
Asphyxiated at at 4:51 PM
Check this site out people!
http://www.wantondoodles.com/
I’m not into randomly advertising for people but I really like this site & I think he deserves some free publicity. If only I could doodle like that.
------------------------------------------------
The other night, I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise," were my last words.
The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.
Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!
Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quit pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!
The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, "Midnight...like I promised." He didn't even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!
After a moment, he then replied, "I think we might need a new cuckoo clock."
A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'Oh, crap,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
Asphyxiated at at 10:48 AM
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Instead of a pack, I got a carton. Hohoho. Xmas has come early for me. I love my nicotine.
Daddy’s been sick for close to a week since China. Hope he gets well soon.
Today I shall be a good girl. I shall go home & vacuum my room & change the bed sheets. And maybe continue with my unpacking. Haha.
I dunno if it’s the weather, the ciggies or the BKK trip that’s putting me in a good mood. A little wonky, but still good.
This morning on the radio, they were talking about having recording devices around omost everywhere nowadays. And it’s so true. From mobile phones to CCTVs, you are being watched by others at some point of time everyday.
In my tiny office itself, there are 2 CCTVs, and I have seen people day dreaming, talking to themselves, scratching their asses, tugging at their underwear etc. I don’t think it’s their fault at all, but I can imagine how disturbing it’ll be for them if they realized there are others watching.
Isn’t it disconcerting when you can’t do some private stuff publicly should the need arise when there is nobody around physically but you know there’s a chance there are a couple of people watching you & your actions may very possibly be recorded? I think it’s kinda an invasion of privacy.
It’s not that big of a problem for me though. I actually like it that there’s a CCTV in my condo's lift. That’s bcos I hate taking elevators alone. And I don’t plan to do anything obscene in the lift. I don’t scratch myself in weird places, I don’t pee in the lift, and I don’t bonk in the lift. And when the interior of the lift is lined with mirrors, I don’t think it’s out of the ordinary to neaten your hair etc.
Yup, so I’m kinda torn between whether having CCTVs all around is more of a good or a bad thing. I think I prefer having them around but you just gotta be more conscious of your actions. Maybe next time you gotta dig your nose, get in the car first!
-----------------------------------------------
A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What?! There's no pool here?"
Long pause... "Uh .... is this 221-1811?"
Asphyxiated at at 11:12 AM
Monday, July 23, 2007
Anyway, since I’m free now, and it’s a Monday, let me unleash the bitch in me. Just a little. Haha. My intention is not to be bitchy, mind you. But sometimes I just get carried away.
But I would like to say that after Friday, I really thank god that the ex is such a gentleman and I’m very happy about the way he handled the situation. Which is why til date, me & the ex are still such great friends & I will oways treasure him.
However, I cannot say the same for this other person. I believe in giving credit where credit is due so I do think that this person can make a good friend/BF. I would know so bcos he really showed his interest/affections in an array of ways. I never once took it for granted but it was never something I yearned for bcos I did not have feelings for him. And I made it clear. To him, and to everyone I knew.
It is not my fault if he insists on doing so many things for me. But it’s so one-sided. And just bcos I don’t return his affections, it cannot be taken that I’m being mean. Matters of the heart cannot be forced. He used to tell me “I just wanna do all I can so that I will not have any regrets”. If you are gonna say that to me, then dun make yourself look like the victim in front of others & make it look like I’m taking advantage of you. That is so low-down.
I shall not pick anymore things during that period of time bcos this is gonna be one hellavu long post. Let’s move on to after what happened. It says a lot when week after week you promise to return my things to me & you push it to the next week, and the next etc. If you told me straight you didn’t wanna return my stuff to me, fine. I will take it like a man. At least more a man than you. Don’t be such a wussy and delay it time and again, even after I offered so many times to go and collect it myself. And why pretend to be nice to me at the same time? Why be such a faker? I thought you had come to accept the fact, I thought you had cleared your thoughts. I guess I was wrong about you.
Then on Saturday, you just had to give us a dirty look eh. Can you be anymore childish or petty. It’s been close to 2 fucking years!? Get over it oready. Grow up. Seriously. I think it proves a lot that I’m still with tubs. It shows that we were & we still are serious about each other. You weren’t even my BF so why so sore up til now? Are you being selfish by thinking ‘if I can’t have her then nobody else can’.
Anyway, you knew I go to Punggol Park almost every week so I would take it as you are trying to prove something by going there as well. No doubt it’s a public place & anyone can go there. I never said otherwise what. But I knew it was on purpose. So that was an incredibly TMD childish moment for me. It just made people think so much lesser of you than they oready do. I think you should take a moment to remind yourself how old you are oready. Be more ‘da fang’ and people will respect you so much more. If you dun get over this obstacle, you will oways have ‘xin bing’ and I dun see how that’s gonna do you any good.
Maybe it’s bcos you are the only child and therefore you are more spoilt. But you have to learn how to accept the fact that things cannot oways go the way you want it and get over it without bearing any grudges.
I oso hope by now that you have completely stopped taking/using your parents money cos at this age, the only thing that should be happening is you giving them money and not you taking a single cent from them. That includes anything that has to do with the car and oso things like a supp card. Of cos this is none of my business. But I think I had to say it. And I feel the same way about everybody. So I’m not nit-picking on you.
I’ve got so much to say but I think I shall stop. You get the rough idea. If I see you the next time acting so childishly, don’t blame me if I burst out laughing or if I start shaking my head. Cos I feel sad for you. If you wanna be a casanova, try not to be a sore loser.
Asphyxiated at at 4:23 PM
The weather recently is wonderful. But someone told me it’s raining over at BKK right up til September. What a bummer. But I’m still looking forward to the trip!
Friday night was off to Highlander for some drinks. I think the mood really set in cos the 3 of us finished a tower in record time. After that, we were off to Punggol Park and bcos I was designated driver for the night, therefore I had my fave iced earl grey with vanilla ice cream.
We saw someone while we were at Punggol Park and I couldn’t decide whether to blog about it or not. It’s someone my girls will have a good time bitching over, that’s for sure. I didn’t wanna blog about it cos that person is so passé. But his reaction was so damn childish that we could only shake our heads after that. I’ll go ponder over it first.
I think I might be able to get used to Dan’s car. So if he does go overseas next year, I think tubs & I may just decide to take over his ride.
Saturday morning, we went to get Dan’s car & we had Macs breakfast drive-thru. In the evening, we had dinner @ Waraku with Dan & Sharon before going to Parkway to walk. Sharon & I bought a pair of shoes each & then we went to look at Diamonds. Haha. We love!!! Later in the night we went to Brussels Sprouts for drinks. I think it can be our new hang out cos they have a wonderful selection of imported beers & it’s a great place to chill.
Sunday morning, tubs received a call asking him to go back camp. Haha. He was so unprepared that Alex had to help him bring stuff over. So we sent Alex to work & then we had Macs breakfast drive-thru again & he sent me home. In the evening, we went Parkway to walk before going Granny’s for dinner. We went to Sam’s Pets to look at doggies & there was a super cute Shih Tzu that even tubs liked.
Anyway, after dinner we went to Ikea & tubs stopped me from buying stuff. Boo Hoo. But it’s ok.. cos this month I’m dead broke. I dunno why, but this month is really bad. And I haven’t even put aside any money for the BKK trip! Horrors!
My darlings are so busy flying. I guess I’ll only get to see them for the BKK trip. And then we’ll be stuck together for 5 days in a row. Haha. I miss my girls!
------------------------------------------------------
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"
Asphyxiated at at 11:06 AM
Friday, July 20, 2007
Yesterday after tubs came to pick me up from work, I treated him to dinner at Vibe Restaurant @ Negara on Claymore.
Total bill for the 2 of us came up to $160. I know what everyone is thinking – “What the fuck did you all eat?!” Haha. I’ll give you guys a sneak peak off their website:
Everyone knows I’m not big on meats so I think it was totally not worth it for me but as long as tubs enjoyed it, then it’s all good. Anyway, it’s not often that you can find such good meats on free flow. I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the food though. Fresh seafood on ice – Oysters, Mussels, Crabs, Prawns, Salmon sashimi etc, your choice of pasta, individually cooked for you on the spot, wonderful desserts – peanut tang yuan, puddings, cakes, kuehs, panna cotta etc, the chocolate fountain was one of the best chocolates I’ve ever had off a fountain. Usually I’m not big on chocolate fountains cos the chocolate just isn’t the right taste or the right consistency but this was heavenly. I’m not going to mention everything else but there were so many more things there enough to fill you up even without the meats, like sushi, potatoes etc.
The service was wonderful & it was really comfy and yes, I’m very particular about service so I would say I didn’t mind spending at all. For those people who are big on quality meats, they are only having this til the 25th, which is just another 5 more days. But after this promo, I think they still have their usual churrasco so anyone interested can go try it out yah.
Today is a busy busy day at work. I’m not complaining bcos time is speeding up but I hate tight deadlines especially when it’s given to me so last minute. Only had a quick bite & some ciggies for lunch, which I doubt took more than 1/2 hr & once I’m back up, I get people rushing me. Chill people. Either quit hurrying me or give me work in advance lah!
Everyone knows I’m not big on meats so I think it was totally not worth it for me but as long as tubs enjoyed it, then it’s all good. Anyway, it’s not often that you can find such good meats on free flow. I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the food though. Fresh seafood on ice – Oysters, Mussels, Crabs, Prawns, Salmon sashimi etc, your choice of pasta, individually cooked for you on the spot, wonderful desserts – peanut tang yuan, puddings, cakes, kuehs, panna cotta etc, the chocolate fountain was one of the best chocolates I’ve ever had off a fountain. Usually I’m not big on chocolate fountains cos the chocolate just isn’t the right taste or the right consistency but this was heavenly. I’m not going to mention everything else but there were so many more things there enough to fill you up even without the meats, like sushi, potatoes etc.
The service was wonderful & it was really comfy and yes, I’m very particular about service so I would say I didn’t mind spending at all. For those people who are big on quality meats, they are only having this til the 25th, which is just another 5 more days. But after this promo, I think they still have their usual churrasco so anyone interested can go try it out yah.
Today is a busy busy day at work. I’m not complaining bcos time is speeding up but I hate tight deadlines especially when it’s given to me so last minute. Only had a quick bite & some ciggies for lunch, which I doubt took more than 1/2 hr & once I’m back up, I get people rushing me. Chill people. Either quit hurrying me or give me work in advance lah!
Asphyxiated at at 3:26 PM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Anyhoos, today there’s only a grand total of 3 people in the office & the bitch is making a hell loada noise whining to the remaining guy about i-dunno-what. Her voice gets on my nerves. Thank goodness I’m kinda ‘isolated’.
Took a bus back to the east yesterday with Chixy & there was this horrible gay guy on the bus. He looks ok but the things he does is like a bitchy aunty on weed. His actions are so exaggerated I wanted to slap him. Chixy snapped a pic of him & after that she imitated the way he flags for the bus. It’s super LOL can. Piangz..
Disclaimer: I have nothing against gay people. Both guys & girls. Everyone knows that. But this one was one hellavu bitchy guy. Urgh.
Anyway, we met Jane & we went for ban mian. Yay! Don’t ask me why we oways say ‘lets go eat ban mian’ when all we eat there is thick bee hoon in tom yum soup. It’s just a habit lah. It’s just like how I oways call Indian rojak ‘begedil’. Haha. I know it’s like damn different but it’s just a habit lah.
After dinner, we went to do our nails at Parkway and we shopped around until all the shops closed then we went to Giant. And we bought groceries. We are like super aunties. We go mad at supermarkets. Jane was saying if only we shared a place together. I told her if that happens, our grocery bills would amount to more than anything else. Haha. We are so horrible. But let I guess we are just doing our part for our nation’s economy right? Ha.
Shifting house/ not driving is a real bitch. So Chixy and I shared a cab home. I know we stay so damn near BUT we were carrying groceries you see. Yeah. Excuses, excuses. When I got home, mummy asked how come I didn’t come back after work to take the car –faints- She is such a cock-up. Over the phone yesterday afternoon, she told me she’ll use the car cos she wanted to go out for dinner so I said ok nvm and then when I get home she said she went early to buy dinner so that I can use the car. Oh well. I appreciate the thought but we oready came to the conclusion that I’m not taking the car mah..
Did I mention I’m in a surprisingly good mood today? Well at least up til now lah. I have no idea why cos time is c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g.
The stupid bitch over-watered my plant. I’m pissed cos that has caused my plant to start dying. Why can’t she find other things to do instead of messing around with insignificant stuff & screwing it up?!
Ok that was random.
-------------------------------------------------
An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.
Consul: What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,...isn't it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!
-------------------------------------------------
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men
-------------------------------------------------
A soldier came to a bend in the road and saw a nun standing there. Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police came running along and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see -- I don't want to go to Iraq .
The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls... I don't want to go to Iraq either."
Asphyxiated at at 11:12 AM
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
One of my nails couldn’t survive long enough for tomorrow’s manicure session. It broke yesterday *sob sob* Daddy has gone on a business trip so this week we don’t have to go granny’s house for dinner. Yay! I know it’s so mean but I really don’t like going there almost everyday even though I do wanna see her & her cooking is fab, no matter how simple the dishes are.
I managed to pack abit of my room yesterday & I realized that I couldn’t find some of my stuff. I hope it didn’t get thrown away in all the confusion while moving house. *sigh* It’s kinda hard to pack now cos my folks decided to store other things in my room. Dammit.
------------------------------------------
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
Asphyxiated at at 10:58 AM
Monday, July 16, 2007
Finally the boys have realized that they are overspending. FINALLY. Now lets watch them boys DO something about it. No point saying so much & then the following week, they feel extravagant & start splurging AGAIN.
I’ve got so many things to do & I haven’t gotten down to doing them yet. Haix. My nails are long due for manicure amongst other things. Oh, and after moving in for so long, I haven’t really unpacked. Haha. But I shall try to do it soon.
The fact that we are going BKK is slowly but surely sinking in. It’s not that soon, neither is it that far away. I cannot wait. I need to get out of the country so bad!
Time is passing way too slowly today. It doesn’t help that I’ve got the sniffles. I think I need my bed. If I go home, I promise to do some unpacking.
---------------------------------------------------------
An American, a Japanese, and a Singh were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That's my mobile phone.I have a microchip in my hand. The Singh felt low-tech and inferior. He didn't know what to do to be as impressive as the American & the Japanese. He decided to take a break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his ass. The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" Instead to be embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind. The Singh explained, "I'm getting a FAX."
Asphyxiated at at 11:05 AM
Friday, July 13, 2007
Yesterday picked Jes up from the MRT at 1030pm & we couldn’t find the location of the wake until an hour later.. I’m sure its real tough on both Rach & Boy even though they try to hide it and I hope they’ll stay strong thru this period. I can only imagine how tough it is to lose your only parent at such a young age & instead of other relatives being supportive, they are being a real nuisance. The wake is 5 days & they better come up with a plan to take turns to get some shut-eye if not it’s gonna take a toll on them man. Chugging redbull is so not the solution.
Anyway, we left around 12+am & I dropped Jes of at her house before going home. Tubs came at around 2+ & we went Mas Ayu for a quick bite & some Ribena Lemon. I miss the place so much & we saw the fat cat! It lost weight though but it’s still huge. We went home, dried my hair while watching The Ellen DeGeneres Show & we were left with barely afew hours of sleep.
Tubs sent me to work this morning & the weather was so nice. And there was no jam on the ECP and I reached work early. It’s a good start to my Friday & I hope it remains good for the rest of the day. And the weekend. And the next work week. And all the days following that. Haha. Hope everyone has a good day ahead too!
A certain someone has been admitted to hospital. Hope he gets well soon!
---------------------------------------------------
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer.
"Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat" After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "
Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um... equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.
It's not my fault that its oways dirty jokes. They are the only ones i come across eh.
Asphyxiated at at 11:09 AM
Thursday, July 12, 2007
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my "little brother" one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my "little brother" 50 times."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
Less than 2 more hours to go.. tick tick tick..
Asphyxiated at at 4:39 PM
Yesterday after work, I headed down to Bugis to meet Jane & Chix for steamboat. Meeting them there is good cos all of us ended up meeting at the same time even though all our knock off timing were different. We ate til we were near bursting then we went Bugis junction to shop. Bought rubbishy underwear & I didn’t even get my nail polish. I think the Chix spent a lot of money yesterday cos everywhere we went, she bought something. Haha. I think our digestive system is quite power cos after all that shopping, we ended up going for dessert where I got grilled by them & they managed to dig out some skeletons in my closet. Yes, some, not all but I think better not let on more than they can handle. I think the little ‘fun fact’ I told them was oready pretty much the ultimate. They still can’t get over it today so as Jane says, it “is today’s hot topic discussion”. Why, why, why does the conversations oways lead to sex whenever I’m with my 2 sluts? Tsk tsk.
It’s a freaking hurricane out there & we were laughing at an anal couple. The girl had accompanied the guy for a smoke & bcos the wind was so strong & her skirt was so short, the wind kept blowing her skirt up & she was making a hell load of noise & then the guy shouted at her & gave her a plastic bag to cover herself. Like there’s any use lor. OMG what a dumb prick. So for ten minutes they were there screaming at each other while everyone around had an eyeful.
Tonight I’ll be attending Ah Boy’s dad’s wake so bye bye Zouk.
Asphyxiated at at 2:22 PM
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Anyway, Ah Boy’s dad passed away this morning. It sucks to lose your dad at such a young age + it was Boy's birthday yesterday. Hope he’s feeling ok. His dad wasn’t exactly a very good dad but at the end of the day, he’s still the father. Hopefully Boy can pick himself up soon and lead a better life from now on.
I can’t wait for work to end la….
Asphyxiated at at 3:51 PM
The fucking aircon wasn’t fixed so I ended up sleeping with the windows open & the fan blowing at full blast. I think it was more like lying awake than sleeping though. But now I’m in the office enjoying the insanely cold aircon & I know when I go for lunch I will freeze for a second time but nvm. Cold aircon is better than no aircon.
Met the gang yesterday and we went to Indochine for dinner & drinks. Pure hysteria but it was absolutely fantastic meeting up with everyone! The amount of pictures they took were madness. BTH.
Sad to say, after my Peppermint Baileys Milkshake @ Mt Faber, the one at Indochine just tastes like vanilla milkshake.. & its sad bcos before I tried the one at Mt Faber, I really liked Indochine’s. Oh well. I guess I found a gem of a milkshake somewhere else. Next time I shall bring my girls to Mt Faber for drinks.
Tml is herstory @ Zouk. I really wanna go but I guess I’ll see how. There are some people I wanna see, some people I dun wanna see.. but Zouk is a real saving grace. I hate to squeeze like crazy in small venues. And I think its dumb queuing all the way up a flight of stairs i.e. Gotham Penthouse. I wanna go cos I heard this batch is pretty decent & of cos I haven’t seen some friends in a long long long time. I guess I shall leave my options open & decide again. Why must I work on Friday?!.. If not it’ll make things a lot easier..
Asphyxiated at at 11:05 AM
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?."
Haha. Guys.
My aircon died on me while I was sleeping last nite. I hope it gets fixed soon bcos I absolutely cannot sleep without the aircon. Was watching Victoria’s Secret fashion show last nite & the girls are so hawt! I think no other fashion show comes close & Justin Timberlake was a real bonus.
Time is moving really slowly today.. I can’t wait til after work!
I can’t wait to meet my darlings. It’s been way too long since all of us last met as a group. It’s a confirmed cam-whoring session & a major bitch-fest. I think I’m the only person who is not so zhi lian lor. Haha.
I have embarked on a new plan. It was somewhat your idea. Let’s hope it doesn’t backfire eh.
Wary is the word of the day. I’m up in arms oready.
Asphyxiated at at 11:25 AM
Monday, July 09, 2007
Friday after work was dinner at granny’s but bcos I was early, I decided to take a walk at parkway & ended up buying cosmetics & clothes. Got myself a top from mango which was on sale & tubs liked it enuff to ask me to get a few more in different colours when he saw me wear it on Sunday. Haha. That is so unlike him. Anyway, he came to pick me up after he was done at work & we went to Highlander at nite for drinks. (And I got a surprise from him in the car. Let’s just say it’ comes in a little box with a ribbon on top. Thanks darling! *muackz*) We were driving like maniacs after that bcos I had to keep up with them & boys will oways be boys. They wanted to try funny things but luckily there weren’t any TPs bcos it wasn’t funny the way we were cutting in & out and the speed we were going at. Good thing my middle finger slowed them down to normal speed after that.
Overslept on Saturday morning so the car was gone & tubs had to take a cab. Went to the dentist & extraction of 1 wisdom tooth costs $950. WTF!! I just took an x-ray. Guess I’ll extract another day bcos the thot of having to cut my gums open really does not thrill me. The boys came to pick me up in the afternoon & we had katong laksa for lunch and then
… .. … .. …
brace yourself for what we did next
… .. … .. …
we went to see cars AGAIN.
Yes, third week in a row. I do think they are overdoing it a little but I have to say the merc really impressed me.
After all the showrooms closed, me & tubs went to his place & I fell asleep until Dan called & we met up with him & Sharon for dinner & then to Punggol Park for drinks. This is getting serious man. I can’t remember when was the last weekend that we didn’t have any beer. By the time we got home + we had our little talk, I think the sun was coming up oready. Woke up around noon to shower & get ready then we went to town to meet my side of the family for high tea buffet, Daddy’s treat bcos he stuck lottery. Bcos there were 20+ of us, we had a section to ourselves. The food was pretty ok I guess. It wasn’t bad but nothing to rave about either.
After the buffet, I bought a travel journal from Borders. Tubs wasn’t very approving bcos he knew I just wanted to buy something for the heck of it & that I didn’t really need it. Haha. We caught Transformers after that. I love the show! It really brings back childhood memories. By the time the show ended, it was 9+ & we headed to home. Rented a DVD from the store to watch & I fell asleep when it was ending. Haha.
I was so tired… and I still am.. *sigh* It’s Monday again.. … ..
Asphyxiated at at 10:32 AM
Friday, July 06, 2007
I have so many things to do and to buy and hopefully I can get it all done this weekend. Chixy is going for eyelash planting. Haha. I wanna see how it turns out! I can’t wait to go steamboat wif her & Janey again. I dunno why but I hate to go home after work. I think I’m still not used to the new place & it somehow just doesn’t quite feel like home.
*sigh* I just remembered that I haven’t given mummy $ for this month. Shite.
Here’s a money joke for you guys. Ok it’s a dirty money joke. Okok it’s a typical guy’s joke.
A Man gets home late one night and his wife says,
Where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
I got a tattoo of a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain.
Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
Well, for one,
-I like to watch my money grow,
-and two, once in a while I like to play with my money,
-and three, I like how money feels in my hand
-and lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Asphyxiated at at 11:53 AM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But Mary didn't stir from her slumber
Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.
"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question...
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The nun fainted...........
Hahahahahaha. Today is a really s-l-o-w moving Tuesday. I’m craving for Ice Cream Chefs.. Can somebody take me away from work for some ice cream?
After working for so long, it has finally hit me that I am not saving anything from my monthly pay. Therefore I shall make it a point to try to note down my card transactions at the end of every month because what they show in the statement is gibberish to me and I have no idea what I spent all my money from. I am going to splurge on myself by the end of this year. I shall get myself something nice & pricy because I think I deserve it & I think it’s long overdue. Do I sound like I’m contradicting myself? Not really. I wanna save so that I can spend an obscene sum of money at one go. Spending all my money in small insignificant parts throughout the month is just not shiok enuff for me.
Asphyxiated at at 11:30 AM
Monday, July 02, 2007
Asphyxiated at at 5:07 PM
Woke up bright and early on Saturday morning (as usual) and I was off to haul everything to the new place. Yes, I have officially moved in! Its weird how I went to Cote D’Azur with 1 luggage bag and end up having 5x the amount at the end of that month or so. Haha. Dan & Tubs came to pick me up during lunch time & we had lunch at Waraku and I saw V*c the B**c*. Haha. Thank goodness when I saw her I had oready finished my food. We spent the day car-viewing again & by the time I reached tub’s place, I was dead tired. Slept for awhile before Dan came with Sharon to pick us up & we went to Pump Room for drinks. Some Indian tourists decided to take a picture of our beer tower. Funny stuff. It was so hot outside that we decided to forego smoking & had a seat inside halfway through which was great bcos its more comfy inside plus the aircon was great and there was a live band.
Went to look for Ling after that at MoS. I haven’t seen that bitch in a super long time!! After some persuasion, I decided to go get her some green tea. You better appreciate it woman! It was totally out of the way lor!
After that we went Geylang for tien ji zhou. So shiok to eat that after a drinking session but I still love my Dunman Food Centre one! After that was home to get some much needed zzZzZzz…
Sunday went to Vivo with tubs during late afternoon for some shopping. Was out to find myself a nice shirt-dress but ended up buying myself a top from GAP and no shirt-dress. It was another one of my impulse buys. Hope I’ll wear it. Haha. Ate at Mussel Guys. The food was not bad but ironically, the mussels weren’t very nice.
Tried to do some unpacking last night but wasn’t very successful. I think I messed it up even more. Darn. Nvm. Slowly but surely, it was be unpacked. Haha.
Dear STAFF,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
TRANSPORTATION: It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
ANNUAL LEAVE:
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.
LUNCH BREAK:
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
SURGERY:
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
INTERNET USAGE:
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.
Important Note: Charges applicable as S$0.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Best regards,
HRD
I love the toilet part. i think that should apply to the office bitch.
Asphyxiated at at 2:42 PM
