Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I was thinking if it was the problem of too many cooks spoil the broth, or I just simply don’t work well with people. And I dunno the answer. Haha. I know I’ve flared up while working with people before, be it work or school, but those people really deserved it. But other than that, I have quite a good track record working well with ‘normal’ people. (Pardon me, I’m not calling people abnormal, my meaning of normal was referring more to the general people. If you get what I mean. Hur)
Some things I am aware of but it never affected me a lot, until I become a bigger part of it. What should be a fun thing, and should be a simple thing, suddenly became a great big mess. I am one person who can fix messes. But I hate it. Which is why I am a planner, so that if things happen the way I plan it, I know it is unlikely to go wrong.
But I never wanted to say ‘Do things my way’ cos that takes away the whole meaning of the original intention. So sometimes I take a step back, and leave others to do the work. When I am required to do something, I will, if not, I’d rather let others do the planning. And often out of these sometimes, it is up til a last minute when I realise that people aren’t doing anything, and then I step in and take charge. And then I get flooded by a million other inputs. Once again, I dun wanna say ‘no’, but I just wanna give a mighty sigh and say ‘why don’t you take charge and plan everything’ in the first place.
I dunno if this is coming across the right way, because I know my words usually turn out harsher than how I mean for them to sound. I am not directing this at anybody in particular, I don’t think I should, and I don’t think I deserve to, but it does get really frustrating and sometimes all I can do is remind myself what is the original purpose that this whole frustration stems from. And when I realise that it stems from doing something for a loved one, I somehow manage to swallow it down. But what I’m afraid of is that I’m only swallowing it down temporarily, and I’m afraid that it may rise up my throat once again, at the most unexpected times, or when the going gets tough.
But I know one way to stop myself from imploding. That’s when a particular someone comes back and makes everything right again. Haha. I kow tow to you and I dare say I need you to keep myself sane. Haha.
Asphyxiated at at 4:37 AM
