Tuesday, December 16, 2008
My favourite times of the year used to be occasions. It usually makes me really happy thinking of it or preparing for it and anticipating it. In recent years however, not only do I not anticipate it as much, I think I have started putting less into it and on my off days, I even dread it.
Sometimes I don’t think I expect too much at all. But I’m unable to convince myself otherwise and when I tell others about it, hoping they are able to open my mind to this other part in me, and when all they can do is pity my situation, it’s really sad for me.
I think it’s good that I have tried my hardest to put in effort in not making things such a big deal anymore, but I think it’s sad that the few things that used to keep me going are now negative thoughts and not only do they not keep me going anymore, they are making me into a very angry person.
I think the things I ask for are very simple things. It is the effort of the other party doing such things that means a lot to me. Effort matters, and effort means action, not something you think about or something you‘ve been contemplating. And as Jane so famously said ‘there’s a difference between cannot and don’t want’.
It has come to a point whereby if I try any harder, I’m not gonna be myself anymore. So I hope that to make occasions a happier time for all, you’ll outdo yourself and make me proud.
All that aside, I’m not gonna blog much about my weekend cos I can’t remember what I did during the weekend. Haha. But now that my bitches and Jes are not working, the 4 of us met up yesterday for lunch, coffee, then walked parkway abit and I managed to get a couple more presents. When Jes left for home, me and my bitches headed to Siglap macs to slack. And after Chixy left with Kel, Jane and I spent the entire time there, right up til 5+am, but not before having Macs breakfast of cos. Haha. This is the life man. I shall enjoy it while it lasts cos when the monsoon season is over and nights aren’t as cooling anymore, you won’t catch me there as often anymore. Maybe then I’ll head back to the beach for some sea breeze. Haha.
There are certain things, certain people on my mind these few days, but those thoughts I shall keep personal.
Asphyxiated at at 6:06 PM
