a s f i x i a d o

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I know I haven’t been blogging much and hopefully it’ll be more than a post of picture updates once a month. Haha. Been too busy to blog but what I’m busy with, I have no idea. Hur hur.

2009 is just about to be over in a blink of an eye. This year, baby Shania, baby Ellie and baby Tiara were born, I went to Melbourne with tubs (I know I haven’t posted the pics yet. Haha), there were a whole load of fab birthday celebrations, Tricia went to Melbourne to study, Darren got married and so did 2 other people very close to my heart, amongst other events.

The not so happy events, I shall not mention.

This wasn’t a bad year, it could have been worse so I shall not complain too much, but at the same time, it could have been a lot better too. It was a year which seemed very stagnant and stable on the surface, but was tumultuous deep within me, bringing me to the brink more than a few times. Many times, I questioned myself and was still unable to find answers. Sometimes, I had to fight temptation and squelch the devils in me threatening to get out.

I think this year I lacked happiness. I wasn’t full blown miserable or anything as people can tell, but it was the kind of happiness I needed for myself, to feed my soul. Not the kind of happiness when I’m out having fun. I think at certain points when my happiness level took a dip, it was such an immense feeling of emptiness and near giving up that there is absolutely not a single person I can think of that is worth my time of the day at all. I think this year I emptied out. I am unable to give as I used to give anymore. But how can I give when there are no returns? When there’s no input, there is no output. I’m done being nice, I’m done being patient, I’m done being sensitive while the world just steps all over you and then suddenly, the world turns around, points at you, and faults you for changing. Well, it’s not my fault when my good deeds are being taken granted for and I’m not being treated like I deserve back in return right?

I wish myself happiness for 2010. I still love everyone but 2010 is gonna be all about me first cos I think it’s long overdue. It’s time I get myself some happiness. Something so simple, so basic, so easy for me to give out without a care in the world, this year, that’s what I’m gonna give myself =)

Asphyxiated at at 3:27 PM

26 december
Boxing Day Party @ Tanglin CC with Tub's family